All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
