I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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