why do cheetos always look like penises
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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