when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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