I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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