I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
that is very illegal...i love you.
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