Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
