i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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