he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
