Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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