It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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