On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
