OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
