If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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