you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
