whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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