dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
not ubering you a puppy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
