i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
