my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
