I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
