If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
