Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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