Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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