well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
