mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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