You can't special order awesome
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
