He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I did not marry a roomba.
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