i think my mom watched the whole time
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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