I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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