you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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