I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
