Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
