Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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