It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone shit on the floor
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
