We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
