I puked a lego.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
