i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
