found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
