Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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