I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
