I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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