he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
