I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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