I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
