did you get engaged???
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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