There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
