You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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