My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
