Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
