The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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