I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
