I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
