jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yo dont text me then not text me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
