this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
