this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
