Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
