Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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