You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
