We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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