You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
