just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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