fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
