He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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